Lindy Hop as Thoroughly Vernacular

I’m reading Sam Carroll’s thesis paper and came across the following (emphasis mine):
”Both Jackson and Malone draw on Ralph Ellison’s definition of African American vernacular dance, quoting the following passage from Going to the Territory:

‘I see the vernacular as a dynamic process in which the most refined styles from the past are continually merged with the play-it-by-eye-and-by-ear improvisations from which we invent in our efforts to control our environment and entertain ourselves. And this not only in language and literature, but in architecture and cuisine, in music, costume, and dance, and in tools and technology. In it the styles and techniques of the past are adjusted to the needs of the present, and in its integrative action the high styles of the past are democratized… Wherever we find the vernacular process operating we also find individuals who act as transmitters between it and earlier styles, tastes, and techniques. In the United States all social barriers are vulnerable to cultural styles (Ellison 139 – 41).’”

This is helping me now reconcile my complicated feelings toward labeling Lindy Hop as a vintage dance which Amy Johnson brought to the forefront last year when marketing for Ultimate Lindy Hop Showdown in New Orleans. Here is now a smattering of thoughts from me and others as it relates to Lindy Hop as a traditional dance - “traditional meaning, something that is rooted in tradition, but wholly alive. Of the now, but with some of the old ways preserved in order to connect it to the culture from which it came.”:

• Notes from a conversation with Gaby Cook about the ideas behind Sw!ng Out and you can learn more through this NY Times article - Swingout! is a modern anthopological exhibition about how swing dancing is a form of humanity. Wants to be a display of swing dance in modern bodies/modern clothes and doing things that feel true to the dancers' bodies.

• As dancers we are asked to bring ourselves into the dance including our entire lived-in experience. Teachers ought to be asking students to explore their range of personal movement while social dancing inside or outside class while avoiding asking them to re-enact the teachers’ exact movement because Lindy Hop is real now and not just the past.

• From my experience selling and wearing vintage clothing, vintage was always something plucked from a fixed time period. Lindy Hop, as any vernacular dance, is mutable as seen in Moncell Durden’s documentary, Everything Remains Raw, and continuously spans multiple generations. It seems this could play into the revival myth that places white saviorism and dance colonialism in the midst of Black stories that featured Lindy Hop as ongoing community dance practice.

• Vintage also communicates very differently between Black/BIPOC and white communities. The idea of vintage can also play into the idea of time travel to an era when Black communities dealt with Jim Crow laws, segregation, and much much more which Grey Armstrong tackles here.

• From a marketing standpoint, I want to appeal to wide demographics and want potential students to see themselves learning and dancing Lindy Hop. Vintage can be a barrier to entry as people might not want to dress vintage, do a dance that seems to be a reproduction, or do something deemed out-of-fashion.

• If you were to look at comparable dances including blues, salsa, argentine tango, you’ll rarely if ever find them branding their dances as vintage though some have as long if not longer lineage than Lindy Hop. Again, why does Lindy Hop and its dance peers get the vintage treatment? One theory posits that by labeling a dance as being in the past or even “dead,” one can preserve and do with it as they see fit, therefore separating it from its originating culture.

Overall, I see this as a complicated subject and still want to include people where vintage plays a large role in their lifestyle. I do think labeling swing dances and music as vintage keeps them in the past while new swing content continues to be produced by both dancers and bands. To paraphrase what Rachael Pitner once wrote - To limit Lindy Hop being a “vintage” dance likely sterilizes it and hurts the art form.

Using Technology to Amplify Vernacular Dances Origins

Noted Black historian and dancer, Moncell Durden, asked in a presentation entitled "Rooting Uprooted" at The International Conference and Festival of Blacks in Dance - “what is being taught through the media?” and later saying “Once you find out where they {Black social dances] originated from you find out the meaning and why it's called what it's called but technology misses that.”

This made us immediately reflect on how we broadcast what we do online and what others do. For example, iLindy has this statement accompanying each of their social media posts on Instagram and Facebook: ”Swing Dancing is an African-American creative art, built on African-American dance values. These roots and values deserve to be reflected in our communities, to respect the spirit of the dance, and make it an inclusive space for people of color.” How they explicitly center swing dancing as an African-American dance form is fantastic to see!

Fifth Element Dance in Aurora writes “Jazz dance originated from Black communities in the late 1800s & 1900s. It combines performance with social & cultural dances that were emerging at the time of its development.” under the Jazz class description.

Katrina Rogers, owner of Move With Ease and a Blues dance instructor, writes “Embark on an immersive exploration of Blues Dance, a captivating and soulful form of black vernacular dance that transcends time and resonates with the heartbeat of cultural expression. Rooted in African American history, Blues Dance embodies the rich tapestry of emotions, stories, and experiences woven into the fabric of the blues music genre.” for her Beginner Blues series in the Facebook and Meetup events.

Others bundle Jitterbug and East Coast Swing as Vintage Swing Era Jazz Dances, offer that East Coast Swing “were originally developed side by side with vintage Jazz music”, or write that Lindy Hop is interchangeable with Jitterbug. Why do we need to couch Black dance in terms associated with whiteness? As Moncell also says and I paraphrase - “Your identity is attached to it and that's a disruption” which, if it holds true to me and my dance history, is likely true for other current organizers where they themselves and their own mentors are and were not steeped in swing dances’ origins or they purposefully avoid explicitly sharing the Black origins online.

We’re at the point when organizers occupying space within the Black social dance community ought to be using the names Black creators gave their social dances, stop using names that purposefully erased Blackness (jitterbug and east coast swing) and seek opportunities to share that these are Black social dances online and offline. And since we’re still in a time where whiteness is the default, it’s important to expressly state Lindy Hop is a Black (vernacular/social) dance. Stating it’s a dance born in Harlem, NY isn’t enough when the overall Black population is down to 44% in that neighborhood and people lack education around the Great Migration and Harlem Renaiisance.

Let’s use the technology available to us to amplify the origins of the vernacular dances we love so much rather than featuring them without origins.

Feeling Stuck in the 1910s

Stuck in the 1910s is how I currently feel thanks to reading Danielle Robinson’s work. The most impactful article thus far has been The Ugly Duckling: The Refinement of Ragtime Dancing and the Mass Production and Marketing of Modern Social Dance. Take for instance this quote from Troy and Margaret West Kinney from Social Dancing of To-Day:

”Of the original [ragtime] 'trot' nothing remains but the basic step. The elements that drew denunciation upon it have gone from the abiding-places of politeness ... it prefers to be known as the [modern] One-Step. And in the desire for a new appellation it is justified, since no history ever so vividly recalled the fable of the ugly duckling.” followed by Danielle writing:

“While dance writers of the period might attribute such changes to natural aesthetic progression, I will suggest that they, like the particular notion of beauty suggested by the ugly duckling story, were deeply connected with aesthetic values that were distinctly racialized. But this is only half the story; I also argue that innovative mass marketing and production strategies of the 1910s worked together with contemporary conceptualizations of race to facilitate the birth of modern social dance and its supporting dance industry.”

For me learning and dancing swing in Kansas City in the late 90s, Jitterbug arose from the ballroom dance community where Black social dance was packaged, appropriated and commercialized for white audiences alongside neo-swing music. For example, I taught the Shim Sham, though traditionally done on the “8” like many vernacular jazz steps, on the “1” to supposedly facilitate learning since “learning to start on the ‘8’ was too hard.” Improvisation was rarely encouraged with dancers rarely having time to breath with an indeterminate amount of six count patterns interspersed with untold pretzels and similar shapes which demanded a follower’s attention less a partner’s shoulders got stretched beyond their limits. Leading and following properly was enforced with me, predominantly occupying the leader role, being told “if something didn’t go right, then it’s your fault.”

“Taylor-like emphasis on control, however, enabled modern dance teachers to exert greater influence over social dancing practices through a strategic highlighting of 'correct' technique and a de-emphasis on independent choice making by dancers.”

“It also meant that modern dance re-asserted a male-centrism on the social dance floor -even though, or perhaps because, teaching dance during the early twentieth century had the potential to 'empower . . . women to claim a new professional identity' and dancing in public spaces 'afforded women a certain autonomy.'“

Besides eliminating kinesthetic elements that spoke to Lindy Hop’s Black roots, you’ll also see swing dance schools avoid mentioning its Black roots in writing. Contrast that with Katrina Rogers’ upcoming Blues Dance Series leading with Black Vernacular Expression in the title or 5th Element Center for Dance in Aurora writing this under Jazz - “Jazz dance originated from Black communities in the late 1800s & 1900s. It combines performance with social & cultural dances that were emerging at the time of its development.” In Grey Armstrong’s most recent iLindy blog post, a Black dancer shared - “I would love to see the history and culture acknowledged on a regular basis. It was created for Black folk by Black folk and was (as were most things) stolen and sold back to us.” What is preventing others from talking about and marketing the Black roots of vernacular dances?

”For this reason, ragtime was perceived as black, owing to the 'one drop' rule for black racial identity that operated during this period. The refinement process then, involved the removal of ragtime's blackness in part because 'black' was not yet marketable in American culture, as it would become in limited ways in the 1920s. This problematic marketability, I would argue, can be linked to ragtime's implied miscegenation and thus, its threat to dominant ideologies of race purity and the idealization of American national identity as 'white'.”

For Swingin’ Denver, we used to allude to the Black roots of the dance without being explicit such as what’s in an old Groupon deal, “In fact, the jitterbug is notable for a different reason: though it has a different name, it’s exactly the same dance as the original version of swing, the Lindy Hop, which emerged in Harlem’s Savoy Ballroom in the mid-1920s.” or we’d center ownership with white America - “Here's your chance to learn America's dance, the lindy hop.” It’s difficult to recall my reasons ten years past, but I recall imitating others and still feeling shame and embarassment from my Kansas City days. Fortunately, Lindy Focus introduced me to Breai Mason-Campbell where I was challenged to do better and grapple with my past and the feelings around those days.

In fact, all of us can likely do better. The past, whether our own or others, need not define our present and future actions.

The Joys of Proofing Content and Evaluating When Labor is Donated

I recently wrote what proved to be a controversial post about proofreading and wanted to address some concerns, statements and recommended practices here.

First, proofreading can be hard. The day after I shared my post I didn’t realize my collaborator invite for Little Man Ice Cream had been removed so I completely missed their desired post timing when their audience is most active online. There were a lot of apologies in the emails that followed from me.

Also, the first first vinyl banner created for Swingin’ Denver went out as www.swingingindenver.com. Did you catch that? Swinging In Denver instead of Swingin’ Denver. I and the graphic designer were rushed and it was only caught during the printer’s proofing phase. By then, it was too late so I proceeded by purchasing a new domain name to forward to the correct one.

Proofreading is hard. It’s hard for many reasons such as spelling is hard, names are complicated and we’re rushed. If you’re a swing event organizer like me, you probably have a few things on your plate like a family, multiple contract positions (not a full-time dancer in contrast to what quite a few people think), and little time to do the work or delegate it.

But why does spelling matter? Why care about such details? For example, one organizer informed me after reading my post that they likely recently lost an event space due to advertising the wrong date and having peope show up at the venue on the wrong date. Another organizer didn’t realize URL strings were case-senstive so people clicking the link to register for their event opening day were led to a 404 page. As Sam Carroll also pointed out, you want good SEO. Those results can be diminished when you misspell social media hashtags and land with a less popular hashtag. Another company lost a very large marketing contract due to a litany of errors including incorrectly spelling tags wrong of companies they represented so people, if they clicked, would go to the wrong company.

Dream in generalities, live in the details. Part of my work background includes writing marketing copy for thousands of unique products where a misspelling can negatively influence if a person finds our product via search. It’s helped me in some areas and drives me crazy in others since the errors just seem to pop out. What helps me live in the details more is blocking out time to do quality work - blocking out time to write copy, transpose it to an event or a promotional image, and then to review it before publishing is absolutely crucial. It’s another reason I tend to do my writing work in a notepad, so it can be polished in one area before being copy/pasted elsewhere. And, if you’re not done or feeling like your work isn’t quite where you want it, give yourself another day.

So why don’t I volunteer my labor more to help organizers within the swing event space? I had quite a few organizers ask me to let them know when there are errors or shared their appreciation when others outside catch errors for them. On the other hand, I’ve also had organizers tell me that I shouldn’t ask them to elevate their standards, an active event attendee write “you use business/corporate language like you haven't been part of the shoestring-budget dance community for decades,” and an event organizer that habitually blamed their staff. While I enjoy volunteering my time and energy, I’ve also learned to be more protective of it and choose where I will feel rewarded by the experience, most often when I work with people committed to excellence. Plus, most events have a dedicated team of volunteers and I’d recommend assigning a detail-oriented team member to either proof content before or immediately after posting.

Furthermore, a portion of the swing scene event production community is based on free labor and that ought to be evaluated. The first few years I was swing dancing, I was volunteering my time teaching group lessons and private lessons, assistant teaching large outdoor classes, and performing across metro Kansas City. I made THOUSANDS for the ballroom studio owner. My reward was free classes there. Funny enough, when you’re teaching a lot for them, live 45 minutes and are a college student, you don’t have much free time. It took me a while to realize I was being exploited and that was an uncomfortable feeling to sit with.

But sitting with uncomfortable feelings has helped me grow and be cautious with where I donate my time, be better at providing boundaries or offering boundaries to be set with others I’m enlisting, and to take more time before saying yes. And sometimes it means walking away from an opportunity but I’m here to tell you that it’s okay and that “no” is a complete sentence.

So where are some common areas that you, the swing event organizer, should proofread before hitting SUBMIT or SEND?

• Instructors names, Venues’ names, Sponsors’ names, Bands’ names etc. Names are tied to a person’s brand and identity. People and place with unique spellings also appreciate when you spell their name correctly. Take care of the names.

• Hashtags. Most social media sites will auto-populate with how popular your chosen hashtag is. If results are really low, it’s likely misspelled or unique.

• Discount codes. I’ve used so many unique discount codes over the years related to Groupon, Yelp, our upcoming Source event, Google Ads, Google Business Profile and have messed some up. It leads to dissatisfied customers, depressed sales and negative reviews. This is sometimes the first interaction you’ll have with a future customer and they won’t tell you that you screwed up.

• Dates, times, location. People need to find you and arrive at the correct location on time. My Squarespace calendar is different than the Wordpress calendar events I publish for Little Man and different than Facebook events. It’s a lot to pay attention to but so crucial.

• Your marketing copy. Because I’m also a guest in a Black cultural art form, I want to take extra care that I’m spelling the dance name’ and steps fully and correctly. The same goes for the names of the Elders, where they danced, any artist I might share, etc. As Taylor Madgett said “social dances have names.” Plus, your marketing copy, whether that is in the event description, an image, a digital ad, in newsprint, or your website, could be your first interaction with someone with you as an organizer.

Anyway, I hope this can be resource and helpful to some.

How to Incorporate History Into Classes

We’ve had some recent posts on our Facebook page that have led people down a path regarding history incorporation into classes that we’ve seen before. An unattributed excerpt - “I think force feeding history in schools is absolutely foolish.” Partially related would be the response, “I need to think about how I can best alter the message to be on brand and relevant to our patrons.” we received from an event organizer when we wrote them: “Within my company and places we teach, I'm striving to name the specific dances we're teaching and give proper attribution to the Black creators when possible. With how you're advertising this event, and given that your event is celebrating Black American music, I think there is opportunity here for us to honor the creators.” When your first reaction is immediate pushback or pushback against an exagerrated version of what is asked, we’d recommend some inner evaluation of your own biases.

One argument to incorporate history into classes, marketing, and other educational material is made by noted Black historian and dancer, Moncell Durden, here around the 42:00 mark: “Most of the time, it’s the music that labels the dancing. It’s not swing dancing, it’s lindy hop. It’s called lindy hop. If you change that, then you’re changing the people who brought it to you. You’re changing the identity. It’s not defined by the area. The area has influence.”

Moncell further dives into this around the 2:00:00 mark in the video below, a great talk hosted by The Breakaway.

Here are some ideas for incorporating history into classes and within an organizer’s direct sphere of influence:

• Incorporate naming the dance and its origins into an opening statement.

  • We’re going to teach you Lindy Hop, a Black dance created in the 1920’s

  • We’re excited to teach Lindy Hop, a Black vernacular dance formed in the 1920s out of the Harlem community

• Find opportunities to share that Lindy Hop and other swing dance styles are vernacular dances and what that means and what those vernacular hallmarks are. “Vernacular refers to dance performed to the rhythms of African American music: dance that makes those rhythms visible” - Steppin’ on the Blues by Jacqui Malone

  • Improvisation and spontaneity - “nice, love the improv there!”

  • Propulsive rhythm - “let’s play with the drive of that triple step” or “yes, great momentum!”

  • Call-and-response patterns - like a break and shake.

  • Self-expression - encourage peopple to bring themselves and their experiences to the dance

  • Elegance - dig into what it means to look effortless

  • Control - encourage different types of swingouts, tuck turn directions, level changes, etc.

• Include history into your class descriptions.

  • Learn to Lindy Hop from the ground up! Sign up today and learn the dance that sprung from Black American culture in Harlem during the 1920s-40s!

• Include history into your FAQ or Welcome Page and perhaps link to a more in-depth section

  • Learn Lindy Hop and Charleston, the original dances of the swing era! Swing dancing is joyful, free spirited, and infectious. It's unabashedly fun with a carefree style that closely reflects the music of the late 20s hot Jazz to the 40s Big Band music. It was created by Black Americans in Harlem, New York. You're going to love it! Check out more information on the history of these dances here.

• Be a resource and not just a marketplace on your social media sites by offering informative articles, good videos of historical and modern dancers, and spotlighting other learning opportunities from diverse voices.

• Fully name the social dances you’re offering

Our thoughts on including history are much like our thoughts when it comes to feeding young kids and what we tell them. We’ll determine what goes on their plate and they’ll determine what they’ll eat. There is no force feeding. It’s just a very well-balanced fun class.

Social Dances Have Names

Some of the shortest statements are the most impactful ones. When Taylor Madgett at Dance Dance Evolution firmly stated “Black social dances have names” at the beginning of her class when she was contrasting Black social dances when studio dance, it lodged into my brain. Much like - “The term vernacular refers to dance performed to the rhythms of African American music: dance that makes those rhythms visible.” from Steppin' on the Blues - this statement has become a touchstone for my teaching and teacher instruction, most recently being shared during our Little Man Ice Cream Swingin’ Under the Stars teacher training.

As my co-instructor pointed out during the teacher training, we both get a little irked when we see local swing dance schools continue to teach East Coast Swing and Jitterbug classes. As another school’s instructor shared when asked what a Jitterbug lesson was - “It was east coast. I asked why it was called a Jitterbug lesson and he said because it is very beginner swing dance. And the most important descriptor that stood out to me was that [name redacted] said that it’s very white. Like the most white. That it’s up pulse instead of down in the ground like lindy hop.”

"Nowadays if you say Lindy Hop there are very few people who know the word. You know you say Lindy Hop and they just look at you you know. What is that? And then you say uh jitterbug and their face light up because they have heard Jitterbug for so long till they think that's what it is." - Frankie Manning in Swingin' at the Savoy: The Frankie Manning Story.

“But why then, when I took dance classes in school, was I not told that Lindy Hop came from the Black community?“

This separation (Jitterbug = beginner swing dance) and centering in whiteness does more harm than good within our vernacular dance community. Lindy Hop is easy to learn, difficult to master. However, thanks to particular instructors and swing schools, we have many people that think Lindy Hop is hard, fast, too athletic because we have this “different dance” over here that is an appropriated commodified version of Lindy Hop further distilled (“tamed”) from what Arthur Murray originally did. I was in the thick of it in the 1990s and know why Jitterbug happened. It’s surprising JItterbug’s legacy has lasted this long since neo-swing crumpled and Jitterbug is attached to my parents’ and grandparents’ generation. As Gaby Cook wrote here, “Language like ‘East Coast Swing’ belongs to the practice of white people siphoning black innovation and repackaging it as a ‘safe’ white cultural product.”

From one swing dance school’s website

"The key elements are the implications that the jitterbug was a dance that was out of control, whereas the Lindy Hop was indeed a theatrical performance, one that Martins attests that "of all the ballroom dances these prying eyes have seen, this is unquestionably the finest; but let the white man attempt it at his peril." - The Oxford Handbook of Dance and Theater.

The other reasons that Jitterbug and East Coast Swing lessons are still pervasive with schools that teach Lindy Hop and other vernacular dance styles are likely marketability, white comfort, organizers resistant to the work involved when evolving, holdovers from the late 1990s neo-swing era, and whitewashing of Black history.

If we are to be better guests in Black social dancing’s house and, rather than be cultural appropriators, be cultural surrogates as defined by LaTasha Barnes, then changes need to be made.

• Swing dance schools ought to stop branding Lindy Hop classes as East Coast Swing and Jitterbug. Since Lindy Hop comprises of many different visible-on-the-dance-floor rhythms, teachers should be comfortable teaching and dancing a variety of rhythm patterns including step, step, rock step while folding it into vernacular dance values like call-and-response, improvisation, the aesthetic of cool, etc. Let’s start avoiding the neo-swing era with its further appropriation and commodification of Lindy Hop now.

• When renaming your class “Lindy Hop Taster” or “Level 0 Lindy Hop,” accompany your marketing with appropriate school-sourced video of teachers dancing what your school will be teaching. Include appropriate fun imagery, emphasize the beginner-friendliness of what you’ll be teaching and make some statements on social media and your website about why you’re making the change. Perhaps this will make your classes more accessible and inclusive.

• Continue to educate. Your website and social media presence should be a resource and a marketplace. Many people treat their social media platforms as places to sell things, but it should also be a resource. And then make sure your classes are educational on several fronts - music, history, dancing, consent, etc.

We can do better.

Another school’s website where they center Black social dances with their origins and using the dances’ names.

Coping with Asset Misuse

Fairly recently, someone representing an international swing dance community organization asked “how do you change your mnindset when you’re dealing with these sh*t things?” after they were subjected to a local organization using their assets for commercial purposes. And back in 2020, we were asked “how do you cope with dealing with that so often” regarding an out-of-state swing organization discovering that a fellow local swing organization was using their group’s photos.

You see, Swingin’ Denver is well known for having a very popular asset used worldwide without compensation or attribution. Fortunately, for years now people will share with us or comment when they suspect our imagery is being used without permission. Locally, we’ve had a few local organizations use our assets for their gain from 2014-2023. It wears on you over such a long period of time. And that doesn’t get into people misusing your time and talent, so how do I practice coping?

1. Focus on the people and organizations that spark joy.

2. Have firm boundaries and a willingness to communicate them. i.e. - “Please remove the images you don’t own from your website,” “While I appreciate the opportunity, it is too much of a time commitment and I'm going to pass,” or “If you’re going to go outside our agreed upon scope of work, you’ll need to pay me more.”

3. Stick to the issues at hand. The three most recent instances where I had to ask local organizers to stop using our assets, people within the organizations gave pushback and were argumentative with ad hominem and red herring attacks. Ignore these and stick to the facts - their wrongful usage of your assets.

4. Release your “heavy load.” You need to take care of your mental wellbeing, so typically I have to “let go” after “resolving” the situation. I’ll make note, both written and mental, to protect myself in the future while understanding that some people and organizations will not change. Sometimes you can release the heavy load by walking away like when an organizer threatened to hire someone else when we refused to do an on-air segment because A) it didn’t compensate us and B) was for an event we weren’t involved in.

5. Offer an in-person meeting at a neutral place. I sometimes offer this opportunity to better understand why this person practiced harming my business in the hopes of resolving issues between us and developing a better path forward.

6. Deeply listen. In “The Power of Attachment,” the first skill listed in practicing secure attachment is Listen Deeply. “When we listen deeply, reflect back to the other person, and ask questions that help us understand them, we allow the other person to inform us of what’s going on with them - not in a superficial way, but in a manner that empowers them to really dive in, feel their feelings, and express them to us until we truly get them.” This is important for #4 and we also note when people don’t listen deeply when we express our concerns and boundaries. Different kinds of abuses have been discounted due to people being dismissive, protecting the status quo, valuing community above the individual and being fearful of discomfort.

7. Be vigilant (within reason). I have found that it’s easier to deal with asset misuse sooner than later, so I periodically check on repeat offenders. Most recently, I’ve been able to call them out within 24-48 hours of them misappropriating one of our assets. It saves me some mental space, but this isn’t for everyone.

8. Accept that change must come from within and may never happen. Last fall, I was asked by an invested third-party to sit down with two offenders who have occupied much of our time over the years. I ultimately declined and this is a valuable excerpt to share - “Asking me to be the ‘key to them owning up to the harm they’ve done’ is a burden I’m going to decline. I reject continuing a community culture that enables bad actors and institutions. My time to educate, support, and labor for [these two] has passed. They have had ample time to grow, reflect, change their behavior, and come forward. Yet their patterns of misbehavior and lack of care persist.” Months later, the two offenders sadly proved my decision to be the correct one.

9. Surround yourself with good people and live well. Throughout all the badness I've had to deal with, I've always surrounded myself with good people that support me and allow me to speak to them while they offer good advice and thoughts. Sometimes the best thing you can also do for yourself is to live well and continue offering good to the community.